


Yearning to Be with You Again

by nursal1060



Series: DamiDick/DickDami Love [7]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics), Grayson (Comics), Nightwing (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Batfamily Feels, Big Brother Dick Grayson, Body Worship, Brother Feels, Brotherly Affection, Brotherly Bonding, Brotherly Love, Brothers, Caretaking, Caring, Comfort, Comfort/Angst, Cutting, DamiDick, Damian Needs a Hug, Damian Wayne Feels, Damian Wayne is Robin, Dick Grayson is Nightwing, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Family Secrets, Feels, Forehead Kisses, Grayson #12 - Freeform, Happy Ending, Hugs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Making Up, Missing Persons, Missing Scene, Piggybacking, Protective Siblings, Resurrection, Scar kisses, Secrets, Self-Doubt, Self-Harm, Sibling Bonding, Sibling Love, Straight Razors, dickdami, minor jason todd/tim drake, so many feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-02-04 15:22:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12773862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nursal1060/pseuds/nursal1060
Summary: Dick is back from his undercover job as Grayson. However, his loss had been hard on the entire Bat Family, especially on Damian. Dick wants to make it up to him, but how will Damian react to Dick's reappearance?





	Yearning to Be with You Again

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Self Harm! READ THE TAGS BEFORE PROCEEDING!
> 
> I based this off of Grayson Issue #12, which the first few sections of dialogue between Jason, Tim and Dick, and the first dialogue between Damian and Dick is taken from. I felt like it would be cute to extrapolate this into a Batbrothers/Damidick fic. I feel likt there needs to be more brotherly love fics for the two of them!
> 
> I hope you enjoy! Leave comments or kudos if you would like, they make my day! <3

A leather gloved fist swiftly punched Dick in the face as he entered the living room in the manor he’d grown up in. He'd been undercover, presumed dead for a year at least. Now that the mission was over, he was allowed to be here, but not everyone was enjoying his revival. He was met with a lot of anger for having lied to his family. Jason was the first to hear about the mission his older brother had been on and seeing Dick sent him over the edge with anger. Tim was standing behind in his Red Robin costume, not saying anything. 

Dick waited for Jason to calm down before he said, “I know you're mad at me, you have every right to be. But this was a mission that Batman entrusted me with-” Jason lunged forward and punched Dick to the ground again, this time more softly, just to make the former Nightwing shut his mouth. 

Jason spoke out, his voice edged with hurt and exasperation, “I went to your funeral! I went to your damn funeral, Grayson! I don't care what Bats told you, you don't do that to your--you don't do that to another Robin!”

Dick rubbed his jaw where Jason had just punched him, looking back at them as he got to his knees and said, “Jay...Tim...I...you don't…” 

Tim, who had been silent the entire time, finally spoke out with a tone similarly as rough and angry as Jason’s, “We all die, we're all going to die. We have to, that's part of it. But you didn't die, did you, Dick? You just lied.” Dick looked down and his face showed hints of remorse, and Tim continued speaking, “Remember when we found out Bruce lied about Joker? The reason we didn't fall apart after that , the reason that we stayed together...it's because we knew, even if 

Batman lies to us, we wouldn't lie to each other.” Tim’s voice got more angry as he stoically asked, “And now you do this, Dick? You?!”

Jason told him as he continued to speak, “We mourned, we wept for you, Dick! Stephanie, Tim, and I sat by your grave for hours for weeks afterwards. Damian, even he cried for you! So many tears...he blamed himself every damn day, with each scar he reminded himself that he was to blame-!”

Dick quickly turned to them, his emotions completely changing from remorse to worry in an instant, “Damian did what?! Where is he? Did he hurt himself?!” Damian was like a son to him, so hearing this put him into panic mode.

Tim spoke in his stoic voice again, “Always worrying about Damian, huh. Kid suffered real bad after you supposedly died. I would tell you where he was, but I don't think you deserve to know that. You left us after all.”

Dick quickly got up to his feet and cursed, “Dammit! Damian!” He ran towards the hallway to run upstairs. He jumped through the halls trying to get to Damian’s room.

Jason grunted as he took a seat on the sofa, saying, “Dick may be an idiot, but he’s got a big heart. Only for the kid though.”

Tim corrected him as he also sat, “Pretty much everyone except for you. But...he had to know about Damian’s cutting habit at some point. Better he knows now then after Damian relapses. Bruce has spent so much money getting him help, and having Dick back might be the solution he needs.” Tim leaned back and Jason pulled him in so he could rest his head on his shoulder. “The only good thing its done was bring us back together.”

~~~~~

Dick sped through the hallways of the Wayne Manner and almost slammed Damian’s door open as he arrived, “Damian-!” When he opened the door, the room was vacant. Damian’s stuff was meticulously put away and orderly as always. Damian’s room looked so clean, it was almost robotic, and Dick couldn’t help but smile a bit, knowing that part of Damian hadn’t changed in 2 years. He entered and took in the scent of the new Robin.

Dick decided to do a bit of detective work and look at Damian’s paperwork. He saw papers and files in a neat stack besides his desk. At the bottom of the stack was a black composition notebook that didn’t look like it fit in with the rest of the pile. He sat down and looked through, realizing it was a journal of sorts. It was Damian’s same monotone voice on paper, with some chilling text. 

The entries were sporadic, sometimes days between entries, and other times weeks. Each time, he addressed his inner mental state and most of the times, Dick was a part of the reasoning. It also scared Dick that some of the pages had drops of blood on them.

Dick whispered to himself, “Damian…” He read some of the last few entries in the journal.

“September 3,  
I cannot control my thoughts. Grayson appears to me every night. It is my fault. All mine. I should have stopped him. 4 cuts today.”

“September 5,  
Today was very bad. Cried much of the night. Cut so many times, I did not count. I have done everything to clot it. It continues to bleed. My wrists are numb.”

“September 12  
Today was comprised of a good morning, followed by Todd bringing up Grayson again. Made 2 cuts in the afternoon. Was caught and reprimanded by Father. Pennyworth wrapped my wounds. I could see the sadness in his eyes as he looked at my arms.”

“September 17  
Today was an awful day. Went on patrol with Drake. Made me work extra hard, I was tired following it. Tempted to cut, but I did not.”

“October 2  
I miss Richard...but I feel as though he is not gone. I might be a little crazy. I always expect for him to appear one day. I wish I do. It is the one thing that prevents me from cutting.”

Dick ran his finger down the pages. The blood stains had vanished in the more recent entries. But October 2nd was a few days ago, Dick worried that Damian may have become depressed again. He carefully put the back notebook back where he found it. Then he went through Damian’s desk drawer. Nothing. Then Damian’s nightstand. Still nothing of importance. 

Dick went into Damian’s bathroom. It looked like it'd been cleaned in a hurry. There were some lines of blood on a small washcloth hanging on the hamper. Dick started looking inside Damian's drawers and sifted around. That’s where he stumbled upon a rather large collection of razorblades.They were neatly put into rows inside a false bottom in the drawer. So this was his stash.

Dick sighed and frowned, “Little D…” He lifted the box of blades out of the drawer and lowered the bottom down on it so nothing looked disturbed. Dick looked over the blades. While they were cleaned, it was visible that they’d been used. All of them. The box had at least 30 blades and Dick looked each one over. Each one had been used to hurt Damian, to cut into his flesh and draw blood.

Dick walked into the hallway towards his room. Once he opened the door, he noticed that nothing he’d left in his room had been moved. It was like 2 years hadn’t passed at all. It was like he was still Nightwing and Gotham feared him. Since people hadn’t seen Nightwing in quite some time, people assumed he’d retired or died, which was evident by the only change in the room: the stack of newspapers on his desk about Nightwing’s ‘disappearance’. Ignoring them, 

Dick put the box on his desk, noticing a strange blade in the box. There was a single razorblade with the bat insignia carved into the center. Dick looked saddened at it...Bruce had given this to Damian as a gadget, and Damian had used it against himself. Dick fished around for a piece of rope, which he looped the blade through, and then tied the end. He wore the blade around his neck. A symbol of return and change. 

Once he found out where Damian was, he tucked the blade necklace into his jacket and ran out to find Damian.

~~~~~~

Damian was training in a metropolitan training area near the Teen Titan’s tower. He attacked the dummies there over and over. The force from hitting them was enough to feel better, at least a little. He felt his skin prickle every so often, almost like he knew something was going to happen. He’d felt it since last night.

He took one final punch before he answered the earpiece buzzing inside of his ear canal, “Speak. Make it quick.”

Tim answered and told him, “Damian, something’s happened. You should be on the lookout.”

Damian asked after a second, “What enemy do you have me looking for?”

Tim replied, “Not an enemy. An old family member has returned, I want you to be prepared to meet them.”

Damian sounded confused, asking, “Family member-?”

Tim started, “It’s Grays-”

Jason spoke over him, “For fuck sake, it’s Dick! Dick’s alive! Bastard came right through the door this morning, and he’s legit! Punched him in the face and he didn’t get mad!”

Tim argued back, “Shut up Jason! He doesn’t need to know you punched Grayson!” 

Damian tapped out for a moment as he felt like his world shaking. Dick...was alive…? The revelation caught him entirely off guard, and suddenly his apathy began to vanish. He listened back in for more of the reasoning behind Dick’s resurgence. After a few minutes, his thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice.

“-ian! Little D!” Damian slowly turned his head to see an out-of-breath Dick running down to the training ground from the higher ground road. Damian’s world was shaken but a smile spread across his lips. He hadn’t been religious, but he swore that some deity above must have answered his prayers for Grayson’s return.

Dick barely approached the gate as Damian ran for him. He jumped up as he ran, did a somersault, and did a spring jump before landing in Dick’s outstretched arms. He wrapped his arms around his presumed-dead brother and clung to him.

Damian smiled and told Dick, “I missed you.” His arms almost trembled as he tried to keep his emotions in check and take in the feeling of being back in Dick’s arms. Dick held him tightly as well. They were Gotham's greatest duo once, now they were once more.

Dick chuckled and told him, “Missed you too, little D. How’ve you held up? Going to tell me I’m an ass for doing what I did?”

Damian pressed his forehead to Dick’s, smiling and saying, “Don’t you know you’re already an ass? I feel like it would be redundant to say so.”

Dick laughed as he helped Damian down, saying, “Ha! Haven’t changed much, have you, little D? Still fancy the little falafel stand near the GCPD? Come on, my treat.” Damian smiled and stayed attached to Dick’s hip and rested his head against his rib. His heart felt full. He just wanted to hold Grayson forever, to smell and touch him just to make sure this wasn’t another dream. 

~~~~~~~~~

The two sat on the roof of the GCPD headquarters, eating the warm, homemade falafel with red and tahini sauce in warm paper boats. This was something that Dick and Damian used to do together, both when Dick was Nightwing and Batman. It never failed to bring them closer and relax them both. 

After their hunger had subsided and Damian was laying across on his knee, Dick decided to ask Damian, “How’d you hold up without me, kiddo?”

Damian shrugged and told him, “Adequately. It was...alright.” Dick carefully took his hand, rolling up his sleeve discreetly before Damian caught on. He struggled, but Dick quickly pulled it up all the way. He was shocked, but not surprised, to see dozens on dozens of cuts. Damian pulled his sleeve up, offended and almost angry.

Dick apologized softly, “I’m sorry, little D. I...well…” He didn’t try to go after Damian as he stepped back, cradling his scarred arm. “You don’t have to forgive me. Now for leaving, not for looking, not for hurting you. In fact, you of all people should be mad at me.”

Damian was quiet for a moment before saying, “It hurt...being away from you. It felt...as though it was always my fault you were dead.” He clutched his scarred arm, now covered properly. He would usually mask his emotions but...he couldn’t deny just how broken Dick’s absence had left him feeling. “I thought that...you died because I was too weak to save you. I thought that me not accompanying you to the mission that you disappeared on was my fault. I trained...I trained and trained and I blamed myself.”

Dick stood up, approaching slowly before placing his hand on Damian’s shoulder and assuring him, “It wasn’t. It would never be your fault. I’m sorry for not being able to tell you the truth.” Dick, after a little bit of resistant from Damian, lifted Damian’s scarred arm and pulled the sleeve down. There were some thin scars running horizontal to his wrist, and there were some darker ones. Luckily, they all looked healed or beginning to heal; none were too fresh. He hadn’t cut more than a few days prior then.

“Little D...I’m so sorry.” Dick did the only thing he knew in order to calm Damian own. He kissed the scars, each one with care and attention. When Damian was younger, he told Dick that this was a stupid practice, but now that he was a little older, he appreciated the care. Damian stood there, his face unreadable, but Dick continued. He lay his lips on every one of the dozens of dozens of cuts, even though most overlapped other scars. Dick lost count but he made sure every cut on Damian’s left arm was kissed before pulling up Damian’s right arm and repeating the process.

“Grayson…” As Dick removed his lips from Damian’s last scar, Damian pulled back...only to embrace him again. Dick thought he was imagining at first, but he quickly realized that Damian was crying. Sobbing into Dick’s chest. It not only made Dick realize how sensitive and vulnerable that losing him had been on Damian, but how much Damian had grown. He went from being a shrimp, only about to Dick’s stomach, to his chest. Damian had turned 13 and gone through a growth spurt, and Dick had missed it.

“I’m here Little D. I’m not going to go anywhere.” The two brothers sunk to their knees, not letting one another go. Dick took in the gravity of his disappearance on Damian. Dick had been Damian’s rock, his brother, his mentor, his friend...and losing that probably crushed Damian. Of course, it’d crushed Jason and Tim too...but Damian...Damian was always very close to him. He was almost like a son. Dick never had a sibling at Damian’s age, but he imagined his loss on Damian was probably closer to how he felt when he lost his parents. 

Dick kissed Damian’s forehead, saying quietly to him, “So proud of you, kiddo. You held up while I was gone. Don’t think I could’ve held up as well as you did.” The praise went straight to Damian’s heart. Dick did mean the world to him, and he was proud...that made Damian feel overjoyed, yet overflowing with emotion. He rarely got a chance to cry, but Dick would never judge him.

“Let me take you home, kiddo. I’ll help you clean up, and we’ll pack into my bed like we used to.” Dick put his arms around Damian’s shoulders and hips, lifting Damian off the ground. He had definitely gotten bigger, but Damian wrapped his legs around Dick for ease of carrying. 

Damian mumbled, “Not a kid anymore, Grayson.”

Dick smiled as he began walking down the building’s side stairs, “Always will be to me. Plus, feel like it’s going to be a cold night. Last time I checked, you feel like a heater.” Damian smiled and let Dick carry him as he rest his head on his older brother’s shoulder. He always dreamt that this day could come. He never imagined he deserved it. But he was grateful to have Dick back in his life.


End file.
